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Star Wars Sucks March 12, 2010

Posted by bitchwantstea in Bizarre, Film / TV.
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Some people have a gift for science.  Others have a gift for sport.  Sophia Heesch has a gift for being able to identify Lego Star Wars figures by sucking on them with her mouth while blindfolded.

Sophia’s unusual gift was captured on the German show Wetten, Dass..? (Wanna Bet?)  She correctly identified four out of five Lego Star Wars figures.

If you have an understanding of the German language, or simply want to freak yourself out watching a blindfolded girl sucking Han Solo’s face off, check out the video below.

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The Wizard of Oz 2.0? March 11, 2010

Posted by bitchwantstea in Film / TV.
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IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE?

Warner Bros is thought to be considering a remake of The Wizard of Oz.  There are currently two versions doing the rounds.

The first is called Oz, with the script being written by Darren Lemke who helped write Shrek Forever After (we weren’t aware of it either…)

If that’s not setting off alarm bells, then the second is is being written by Josh Olson who wrote David Cronenberg’s A History of Violence. If you haven’t seen the film, you can get the gist of it below.

Now, we’re not suggesting that Dorothy is going to start whooping arse with a shotgun.  We’re sure Josh Olson is a capable, flexible writer.  But do we really NEED a remake of such a classic, well-loved film?

Maybe we’re being too pessimistic.  After all, there are loads of remakes that have improved upon and justified themselves over the originals.  Right?

Right…?

It’s BACK! March 11, 2010

Posted by bitchwantstea in Film / TV, Music.
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Possibly the greatest event in the universe will soon be upon us.  No, we’re not talking about the World Cup, or the 2012 Olympics.  We’re talking about the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST!

We love Eurovision because there is nothing else quite like it.  It is the show that taste forgot.

There’s the plastic hosts, who always try to pretend they fancy each other.  Plus the massively biased voting by neighbouring countries.  And of course, there’s the bitchy and sarcastic commentary.  And that’s even before you touch upon the music itself!  Because in Eurovision, ninety nine percent of songs are power ballads, and the remaining one percent is some bloke dressed up as a minotaur screaming out opera in Latin.

It all kicks off this Friday (12th) with Eurovision: Your Country Needs you on BBC1.  It’s your chance to vote for who will be representing us in this year’s Eurovision (not that we’ll actually win, but hey…)  Remember – it’s the taking part that counts!  So be sure to tune in between 8.30pm – 10pm.

We’re so excited!  And to get you in the mood, check out the 2007 runners-up from the Ukraine below.

Alien Prequel Could Be in 3D March 8, 2010

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BWT has previously mentioned our apathy towards 3D films.  While we can appreciate a 3D film done well, too many movies are jumping on the three dimensional bandwagon for our liking.

But when he heard that Ridley Scott’s prequel to the Alien series might be getting 3D treatment, we got excited!

It’s just rumor for now, but still.  C’mon Ridley, make it happen!

Alice in Wonderland (1903) March 7, 2010

Posted by bitchwantstea in Arts, Film / TV.
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With Tim Burton’s version of Alice in Wonderland all over the cinemas, it seems like a pretty fitting time for the British Film Institute National Archive to unveil the original Alice in Wonderland film in all its restored glory.

The film, made in 1903, was released just thirty seven years after Lewis Carroll wrote his book.  With a running time of 12 minutes, it was the longest film produced in England at the time.  However, over the years, the materials of the film became severely damaged.  But with a lot of love (and a lot of patience), you can now view 8 of the original 12 minutes.

We think it’s INSANELY cute and packed with charm.  Massive kudos to the BFI for taking the time to restore it.

Killing Me Softly March 5, 2010

Posted by bitchwantstea in Film / TV, Health, Tech / Science.
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Daytime television on weekdays is the stuff of nightmares.

From the moment you turn on the TV you’re confronted by chavs screaming at each other on Jeremy Kyle, massively enthusiastic people shouting “CASH MY GOLD!”, and enough home decorating programs to put a staple gun to your head.

We’re sure it didn’t used to be like this.  But the above mentioned isn’t even the worst of it – no, that’s reserved for accident claim adverts.

You know the ones, don’t you?  Had an accident or injury that wasn’t your fault?  Then you should contact REAL LAYWERS on a NO WIN NO FEE basis!  A stray piece of wrapping.  A wet floor.  A dodgy banana skin – NOTHING IS SAFE in injury lawyer land.

If anything, the adverts are a massive accident and injury deterrent, because if you have broken your legs thanks to someone else’s neglect, you can be damn sure you won’t want to sit at home and be forced to watch these tedious adverts again and again and again.  There are so many of them by so different companies, it creates a horrible sense of déjà vu.

But now the buggers are threatening to break out of the television and onto your iPhone, with a new app by Personalinjury.co.uk.  Now you can find out about personal injury compensation anywhere, anytime, thanks to the Personal Injury Advisor!  Although why you would want to is beyond us.

All we need now is a gold evaluation application and humanity as we know it will end.

Get Out Yer Bangers! March 4, 2010

Posted by bitchwantstea in Fashion / Beauty, Film / TV.
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When BWT isn’t out saving the world, we occasionally enjoy watching Gok Wan prancing around on TV.  And now we can prance around in his underwear!

SimplyYours.co.uk has unveiled the style guru’s lingerie range, and let us tell you – it’s SEKKUSHI!

After all, who else could name a bra the “Balconette Banger Booster” and get away with it?

Check out our faves below.  It’s a shame there’s not a greater choice of styles, but what he’s got, we like!

For the full range, click here.

Turtle Power! March 2, 2010

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Here’s something for you 80s cartoon fans out there.

You can now buy your very own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles backpack from American retailer Hot Topic.

The bag, in the shape of a half-shell, also comes with four different coloured masks, so you can strut your stuff as your favourite retro reptile.

Although let’s be honest here, Donatello was clearly the coolest.  Brawn AND brains!

The Stolen Six Pack March 1, 2010

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Spotted on PhotoshopDisasters

Rage Against the Ice Cream February 27, 2010

Posted by bitchwantstea in Film / TV, Food.
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WHY ARE YOU SAYING “NO”, YOU STUPID COW?

YOU’RE HOLDING THE BLOODY THING IN YOUR HAND!  IN YOUR HAAAAAAAND!

So stop looking so sodding smug.